five month ramble
five months ago this morning, i made the first of many posts i made on my day one. it was the following:
yesterday, i chose to be a slave to a disgusting, filthy, self-destructive addiction.
today, i choose freedom!
yesterday, i chose to be controlled by that addiction.
today, i choose self-control!
yesterday, i chose disease and sickness, because it was easier to remain a slave to my addiction than it was to break free.
today, i choose health!
yesterday, i chose weakness, because if i was too weak to break the chains of my addiction, no one could blame me for remaining bound.
today, i choose strength!
yesterday, i chose to suck multiple poisonous substances into my already severely damaged lungs because i "needed" one of those poisons to feed my addiction.
today, i choose not to smoke!
yesterday, i chose death.
today, i choose life!
on day one, i found it so important to own the choices i made; i still do. this morning, for the 152nd time, i wrote out an abbreviated version of the above post in my quit journal; it's been my daily affirmation for the last five months. every morning, i renew my choice not to feed my addiction to nicotine today.
because it's all about choice.
if you're smoking today, it's because you've chosen to smoke today. if you're a recovering nicotine addict, like me, and you're not smoking today, it's because you've chosen not to smoke today. it's that simple.
and that hard.
imagine a man, 46 years old, who started smoking as a child of ten.
imagine a man who grew up smoking and tried to quit countless times (and succeeded on several occasions; once for as long as three years).
imagine a man who watched his mother develop asthma, copd, and eventually congestive heart failure from smoking, but continued to smoke.
imagine a man who watched his father die of cancer, but still couldn't find the strength to quit smoking.
imagine a man who stood vigil with his 43-year-old brother, watching him waste away and die from cancer, but kept smoking.
imagine a man who finally gave himself an advanced case of emphysema by choosing, of his own free will, dozens of times every day, for decades, to feed his addiction to nicotine.
imagine this man finally choosing not to feed that addiction any more, and going through a profound personal hell in his fight to overcome his demons.
do you think that man might be qualified to tell you something about smoking? about how to quit?
because that man is me, and this morning, just like every morning for the last five months, i woke up and made a conscious choice not to smoke today. and if, by the grace of god, i'm fortunate enough to wake up again tomorrow, i intend to make that same choice again.
want to know how to quit, and stay quit?
kevin - grateful to be in my 152nd day of freedom!