darkest day of the year
yesterday, i went back to work for the first time since december 21st (the winter solistice; the darkest day of the year. supposedly. actually, the darkest day of the year was yesterday). yesterday was also the epiphany (at least for me). i know; this is totally mixing up all the western european time conventions (at least calendar conventions). can't be helped.
one of my new year’s resolutions was to go back to work with a new attitude for the new semester: i decided i would enjoy the parts of my job that i enjoy, and not let the bullshit parts of it negatively affect me. my resolution survived approximately 4 hours of contact with reality...
december 21st may have been the darkest day of the year, astrologically speaking; the day when we here on the northern half of spaceship earth could see the sun for the shortest amount of time. and traditionally, the feast of the epiphany (according to Webster's: "A Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi") is celebrated on january 6th. guess i couldn't wait.
because another meaning of the word epiphany is: "A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization". and yesterday, i realized, in a flash of intuition, that i need to get another job. because i hate the one i've got. i absolutely hate it.
i'm now in the middle of the seventh week of my quit. since i left work on the 21st of december (until yesterday), i hadn't had a single craving for a cigarette (unless you count the momentary impulse that accompanied my second snifter of cognac on christmas eve; which i don't, because it was just that: a momentary impulse. it came, i thought "yeah, but i don't smoke any more", and that was it. it was gone as fast as it came).
one of my new year's resolutions was to go back to work with a new attitude for the new semester: i decided i would enjoy the parts of my job that i enjoy, and not let the bullshit parts of it negatively affect me. my resolution survived approximately 4 hours of contact with reality; long before my first nonsense meeting was over, i was jonesin' for a smoke so bad i couldn't believe it! i had not felt an urge this strong since at least the third week of the quit, and maybe since the first; by the time that meeting was over, i was actually shaking like a junkie needing a fix.
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